I need to convert my good intentions into proper actions. My natural state is one of greediness/gluttony, and laziness/sloth. It’s how I got obese in the first place. Not because of childhood trauma or eating my emotions or any of those things. Pure laziness and wanting to eat everything delicious.
The challenge I set myself a couple of weeks ago, it is not going so well. Yesterday I ate lots of chocolate honeycomb and fish and chips for dinner. No exercise. The day before, lots of chocolate also. This is a repeating pattern of mine lately, and I am aware the whole time but do it anyway. At the beginning of my holidays I had all good intentions.
“I am on holiday, I will exercise frequently and eat all good food and be active and fabulous!”
Of course, this easily turned into:
“I am on holiday, I am going to relax and eat this delicious treat, followed by another.”
I spent much of yesterday with my sister and we were discussing all sorts of things (it is difficult to shut us up once we get on a roll). After our big dinner of fish and chips and all the chocolate honeycomb I made some comment about being quite hopeless with my habits and my weight. She pointed out to me that we both watched our Mum go through quite a few crazy yo-yo weight loss episodes when we were growing up. I remember Mum cutting calories with shakes (that she mixed more and more water into) and cutting meals and carbohydrates to pretty extreme levels to try to break plateaus. My sister remembers a meal where Mum ate a bowl of boiled water with carrot slices floating in it for dinner whilst serving us up something else.
So I guess I can continue to look for the balance of not beating myself up, but not being too easy on myself either. Time to break out the food diary again I think, I am definitely becoming a little too relaxed when I don’t even count how many chunks of chocolate I am stuffing into my mouth!